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saturday, january 28, 2012: hour run 4.78 miles

for the first time in a very long time, i did not want to get up and train. feeling weak for feeling that way led to procrastination to the last possible moment i could get this run in. none of my usual tricks were working. only the sheer guilt of having to report “i did not check all of my boxes” got my ass out of bed.

do i think skipping one workout will make or break my performance? no. that’s like thinking eating one mint bar will ruin a nutrition plan.

it does make it easier to say “what’s one workout” next time. there will be a time when life gets in the way and i won’t be able to check all the boxes so why waste that on a day i just feel off? that is weakness.

i am all or nothing. balls to the walls or a total slug. i like you or i don’t. there is no middle ground. it’s a strength and opportunity. as most of my characteristics are.

spent the first twenty minutes of this run telling myself what a pussy i was, it’s freakin hour, for god’s sake, quit bitching already. i then decided to push it as i could while staying in zone 3. so i rode the line at 3.9 for the rest of the run. if i was going to be a little bitch about this run, then i was going to make myself pay for it.

normally, i would feel good about being able to to do that. walk away feeling strong, empowered, full of htfu. today, i found no joy. i did not feel strong after. not even relief it was over. sucks to feel this way. sucks to feel this way.

like life, training can’t be good all the time. wouldn’t appreciate the other days. i truly know this. i am just not feeling that way right now…